Tall Cool Drink of Water

2012-01-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. President,

I see something you don't see. 40 million illegal aliens....

2012-01-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

I know what Nancy has over Newt. She gave him a blowjob.... And in a few days it will be... I did NOT have sex with that woman!

Louisiana Ghost Story

2012-01-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

This happened about 6 months ago on Louisiana Hwy 57, just outside of Dulac, a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.
An Ohio businessman, Saul Rubins, abandoned his disabled vehicle on the side of the road, and attempted to hitchhike. The night was pitch dark in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly, through the sheets of rain, he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Desperately needing a ride, Saul jumped in the car and closed the door. Only then did he realize that there was no one behind the wheel and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.

Again the car crept silently forward and Saul was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.. He saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and beg for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the bayou and he would then drown!

But just before the curve, a shadowy hand appeared at the driver's window, reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and Saul was alone again.

Paralyzed with fear, Saul watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally, scared nearly to death, Saul had all he could take, jumped out of the car, and ran to town..

Wet and in shock, he went into Schmoopy's. Voice quavering, he ordered two cups of coffee, black, and then told everybody about his supernatural experience. The room became silent and everybody got goose bumps when they realized Saul was telling the truth and was not just some drunk. About 30 minutes later two Cajuns, dripping wet, walked into Schmoopy's and one says to the other,

"Look, Boudreaux, ders dat idiot what rode in our car when we wuz pushin' it in DA rain!!!"

2012-01-25T06:25:00.000-08:00

Dear PMS and Hormone Fairy,

Please give me my sweet and loving daughter back! I can't take her hormonal rants any longer!!!!

Signed,

Mom (who wishes she was completely deaf)

Phone Apps

2012-01-24T05:56:00.000-08:00

They now have a phone app to keep from driving through the ghetto. I know a few people who need to install this on their phone.

2012-01-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

Last night before I went to bed I set my oven on clean.Daughter Dear got up because she thought the house was burning down and noticed that the oven was "on". She failed to read on the front panel in large green letters CLEAN, so she turned the oven off. Our conversation this morning reminded me of my mother (whom she looks and takes after).

DD: Mom you left the oven on last night.

Me: Yes, I did but I had it on clean.

DD: No you didn't. It smelled like the house was going to burn down so I turned it off.

Me: Did you hear the smoke alarms going off?

DD: No....

Me: Then the house wasn't on fire and the only thing burning was the stuff being cleaned in the oven.

DD: Are you that lazy you can't scrub inside the oven.

Me: I would never scrub an electric stove because water and electricity don't mix.

DD: Ding a ling... you don't scrub an oven with water.

Me: Then what do I scrub it with smart one....

DD: I have no clue....

Me: Hmm, well I'm setting the oven on clean again so enjoy the smell with your muffin and juice.

She still has a lot to learn even though she thinks she knows everything!

Weight Loss....

2012-01-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

I didn't lose anything this week and its not a big deal to me either. I like how I have adjusted to less calories and not feeling like I'm starving. I so happy with that aspect of the diet. I would love to get out and exercise but the cold weather doesn't work well with my knee replacement. I'm sure once I'm able to get out and walk, the weight will come off easier. Everyone on my team has lost weight. Some more than others. I'm proud of them all. Especially my girl Tina.

2 Inches...

2012-01-18T11:58:00.000-08:00

Went in to get a hair cut. I asked for two and a half inches off and came out with five and a half. I wasn't to thrilled to see that I had been peeled but it could grow on me....

2012-01-12T06:04:00.000-08:00

A parent should never have to experience the loss of a child. My prayers are with you and your family.

Weigh In

2012-01-11T08:19:00.000-08:00

Well I could have done better but two pounds is better than none at all. I really need to hit the pavement but with the cold weather and having a metal knee, I really don't care to get out and exercise because cold temps make a metal knee cold and then it makes my whole body chill and its hard to get warm.
So I count my calories daily to keep my calorie intake below 1000. Tonight I'm going to be making a cabbage soup that claims to help with weight loss. I'll try it for a week and see what happens. The recipe makes a weeks worth so it will be interesting to see if I can tolerate eating the same thing for dinner all week long.

Day One

2012-01-05T04:22:00.000-08:00

Was not bad at all. My diet food was good and having less food didn't kill me like I thought it would. Being busy during the day I'm sure is helping keep my mind off of food but I'm wondering if I can keep my mind set that I don't need food on days that I'm at home. We'll see..

The start of day two has me dragging my ass!!! The excercise program I started yesterday has me so SORE!!! My flabby legs are killing me and my arms feel like I'm dragging my knuckles. I'm telling myself that it will get better. Off to pound pavement. Have a great day everyone!

Biggest Loser

2012-01-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

We have a team of seven and we have all weighed in. Let the fun begin! I wish all my team mates the best!

ARGH!!!

2012-01-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

Just found that I left my Burt Bee's tinted chap stick in my jeans pocket. Checked all the jeans in the wash and thank the man above that it didn't get on Daughter Dear's $100 plus Miss Me jeans or whatever you call those star studded things. Just BREATHE.....

New Year...

2012-01-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

I have to say New Years was much better than Christmas. To much going on with the parents and their health issues to talk about. I'm just hoping that their health will improve and that things will get better for the new year ahead. With that said, tomorrow will start with the biggest loser. No more bread pudding, Cajun meals, or eating out. Healthy eating with lots of exercise from here on. Can I do it? Yes I can! Come June I hope to be 80 pounds lighter.

2011-12-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

Surprised Daughter Dear with a carriage ride. She loved it and we enjoyed looking at all the old homes decorated for Christmas.

2011-12-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

I found my daughters backpack with my foot.....

Bye Bye Poundage....

2011-12-12T07:56:00.000-08:00

Biggest Loser starts for me on January 4th, counting down the days until the weight loss begins. My goal is to drop 75 pounds of blubber. I will be blogging about this little adventure as I go. Wishing myself luck because I'm going to need every ounce of willpower I have within me....

Monday

2011-12-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

Only In LA

2011-12-05T06:31:00.000-08:00

Can you find Santa being pulled by gators in a boat.

Raise Your Glass

2011-12-03T09:25:00.000-08:00

Blue On Black

2011-12-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

2011-12-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

Yep, you have stooped to a all time low....

2011-11-30T05:55:00.001-08:00

Newt Gingrich reminds me of a grandma. Put him in a frilly little dress or robe and he could be a transgender grandma.

Ho Ho Ho

2011-11-29T05:52:00.000-08:00

And I'm not talking about Santa. Is anyone else sick of hearing about Herman Cain's ho mamas coming out. Geez... I'm still voting for the man because I like what he has to offer and I don't really care how many women come out of the ho closet. Just remember the words of Bill Clinton, " I did NOT have sex with that woman". Next....

Magazines

2011-11-28T09:41:00.000-08:00

Daughter Dear has many subscriptions to different types of magazines. With that said, I handed her a copy of readers digest and she turned her lip up at me and said no thank you. I told her that her daddy spent good money on this so she needed to read it....

Any guesses on who was on the cover???

2011-11-17T07:20:00.001-08:00

Happy 54th Birthday to my sister!

2011-11-17T06:53:00.000-08:00

Can one be addicted to Facebook? I think so. I find myself checking my phone or lap top when possible

Kids

2011-11-17T05:58:00.000-08:00

They have no concept of time and their ears don't work either. With that said, this morning I keep telling daughter dear to get up because its 6:40. She finally comes dragging her ass in the den at 6:45 complaining she's tired. The news is on talking about cooler weather and tomorrow being cooler than it is today. I proceed to tell my child she needs to wear pants, shoes and socks because its cold out. Fast forward to 7:30 and she comes out dressed in shorts asking me if she looks okay. I asked her if she heard me telling her to dress warm? I get some mumbled smack from her telling me she didn't listen. I pick up her lunch and head out to the SUV and the waiting begins... 7:40 comes and no daughter dear... 7:43 she finally comes out dressed warmer but... a light weight jacket. She is upset because its cold out and I didn't tell her.... HELLO! I asked her if she did not hear me stress to her that she needed to wear warm clothes because it was cold out. I couldn't understand the mumbled words coming out of her mouth but I did catch the words, "I'm going to cry if I get cold during the day..." I looked at her and gave her the look of "shut up" because I'm getting ready to lose it with you. All the way to school it was HURRY UP!!! I'm going to be late!!! I tell her oh well....next time I tell you to get up maybe you will use those things hanging on the side of your head to listen. In return I get the roll of the eyes.....I drop her off at school at 7:46,and now I wonder if she made it to class by 7:48. Who knows... but I'm sure I'll hear about it at 3:04 this afternoon when I pick her up.

Thank You!

2011-11-11T06:49:00.000-08:00

That would be me...

2011-11-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

2011-11-09T08:14:00.000-08:00

Glad the cold front moved through. Maybe my hot flashes won't be so hot!...

2011-11-08T06:40:00.000-08:00

Once again they announce that they're expecting....I hope for your sake you carry this baby full term and once delivered you can stop with the baby making. You will be 63 when this child turns 18. Move on to another hobby like knitting... your grandkids may need some booties.

2011-11-02T07:04:00.001-07:00

Obama at the Bank of America

President Obama walks into the Bank of America and says to a cashier, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"?

Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the president of the United States .”

Cashier:"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the Government regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Obama:"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry, but these are government and bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama: "I am urging you please to cash this check."

Cashier: "Look, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank lobby into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and we cashed his check."

"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and served an ace shot directly into the center of our bank logo 90 feet away. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that it is you?"

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally replied: "Honestly, nothing comes to mind. I can't think of a single thing I can do."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

It's One of Those Days

2011-11-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

Stocks

2011-10-29T06:37:00.000-07:00

About a month ago I decided to take some of my divorce settlement and invest in some stock. I had seen the ex play with stock trying to grow his 401k during the years. With that said, I had been hearing about gold and silver stocks on the news stations and on the net. Well... yesterday I decided to log into my account to see how I was doing and I was shocked to see that I had made $20,000 and some change with my investments. Not to bad for someone who has never dealt in the market before. Lets hope it keeps growing.

2011-10-26T05:01:00.001-07:00

Who in the hell names their child Amnesty? Daughter Dear accepted a friendship request from a girl back home named Amnesty. I sat there and laughed my ass off as I explained to her what this word meant. Dumb ass Mexicans....

Yep!

2011-10-26T04:54:00.000-07:00

UGH!

2011-10-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

Pimples are for teenagers NOT 40 something year old women!

Another Fun Time

2011-10-21T06:58:00.000-07:00

Daughter Dear and I went to another Homecoming Parade for the state college in Lake Charles. We had a lot of fun and enjoyed the parade. I dodged some beads and candy that were thrown my way.I guess one can say they aim to please over here.

2011-10-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

Ugh, you need to go away....

2011-10-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

Happy 49th Birthday to my middle sister! Hope it's a great one!

Just Another Reason....

2011-10-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

Why I left Texas!Send the teacher back if she loves Mexico so much....And I don't care if it was a classroom assignment! I don't want to hear any excuses from anyone on how it's okay for these things to be happening in our school system. Your in my country speak English and sing our national anthem.

2011-10-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

It's Monday and that means GRUMPY KID syndrome....

You know I'm right!

2011-10-14T06:47:00.000-07:00

Parade Time

2011-10-12T06:06:00.001-07:00

Daughter Dear had some fun. Last week was Homecoming week and I have to say it was fun seeing all the kids dressed up each day as I dropped Daughter Dear off at school. Thursday was parade day and Daughter Dear rode on the church float. They do things in a big way over here in Lake Charles. We loaded up on cups, beads, shirts, and candy. Here's a few pics of the church float.

Chico State Park

2011-10-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

2011-09-11T06:20:00.000-07:00

Cajun Rap Song

2011-08-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

Toejam this one is for you! Enjoy!

WANTED

2011-08-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN!!!
Please return my sweet, loving, smart, daughter. I do NOT like the rude, hormonal, jump down the throat child that has been given to me.

Signed,

Mom

Cajun Terms

2011-08-25T05:18:00.000-07:00

Daughter Dear has learned some new terms from some of her Cajun friends at school. Being a Texas girl she finds the way they talk.... really funny.

How you is means how are you.

Back sack means backpack.

Come see means come here.

Hearing her try to talk like a Cajun cracks me up with her southern twang.

New Home

2011-08-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

Visitors are welcome anytime!Tina, Cal, Josh and family, Paul and family, Jackie and family and so on .... I'll even cook you dinner.

Flying on Obama's private plane.

2011-07-21T07:11:00.000-07:00

Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a
$1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.
Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills
out of the window and make ten people very happy.
Michelle added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills
out of the window and make a hundred people very happy..
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot,
"Such big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the
window and make 256 million people very happy.'

2011-07-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

Holy crap! Taking things a little to far sweetie! Makes me hurt just thinking about it and one has to wonder was it really worth it. Shaking my head...

2011-07-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. - Mark Twain

2011-07-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

2011-06-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

My baby graduated 8th grade with honors and I'm one proud mom. I still can't believe she will be in high school come fall. Where did the time go?

FUCK YOU

2011-06-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

I love this song!

Tis the Season

2011-06-01T04:57:00.001-07:00

: The 2011 Atlantic hurricane season begins Wednesday with forecasters expecting an above-average year for named storms in the Atlantic basin, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's Climate Prediction Center.

During the season, which ends November 30, NOAA is predicting there will be 12 to 18 named storms. Storms are named when they reach tropical-storm status with winds of 39 mph or higher.

Of those storms, forecasters are predicting six to 10 will reach hurricane status, with winds of 74 mph or higher.

Three to six of the hurricane could become major hurricanes, with winds in excess of 110 mph.

"The United States was fortunate last year. Winds steered most of the season's tropical storms and all hurricanes away from our coastlines. However, we can't count on luck to get us through this season. We need to be prepared, especially with this above-normal outlook," NOAA administrator Jane Lubchenco said last month.

Arlene will be the name of the season's first storm to reach sustained winds of 39 mph, followed by Bret, Cindy, Don, Emily and Franklin.

God Bless Our Troops

2011-05-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

About two hundred troops and their families came to town this past weekend for some fishing. You should have seen the smiles on their faces seeing us cheering for them. They were hanging out of the bus trying to get our pictures. There were a few that were leery of all of us. You could see it in their eyes...but when it came down to it all, they had a good time this weekend. Here are a few pictures of the sand sculpture that takes about 4 days to complete. The lady is a fellow girl scout.

2011-05-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

Six and half days of school left. Hell yeah!

2011-05-23T04:59:00.000-07:00

This is crazy. I would never allow it to happen.

BUM CARD

2011-05-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

What is this??? This would be the Texas Lone Star Card or Welfare Card that is used by bums to buy stuff they don't need. I went to the store to buy me some readers because I can't find mine. I'm standing in line and the couple ahead of me is buying half priced Easter candy to the tune of $48 dollars and some change. They pull out their BUM card to pay for this crap! I'm pissed and say did they just buy $48 worth of candy with a BUM card?? Sure enough they did....

I have a huge problem with this and the state of Texas should also have a problem with it. They need to start building Texas Lone Star Stores across the state and stock the shelves with basic things like low end toliet paper, bags of beans, powder milk, no soda, cigerettes, gum or candy. Maybe this would get the worthless people off their asses to better themself and save some of my hard earned tax dollars.

Wondering...

2011-05-02T04:41:00.000-07:00

two things right now....

1. How Binny boy is liking the depts of HELL right now....and

2. Which terror cell is plotting to attack us. It's the wait and see game that I don't like.

Happy 14th Birthday!!!

2011-05-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Wishing my daughter a very Happy 14th Birthday! I hope you had a fun time along with your friends at your slumber party. Seems like yesterday your daddy and I brought you home from the hospital. I know the next couple of months are going to be a little tough but know that mom and daddy love you very much and no matter where you lay your head at night, mom and dad are here for you no matter what! Happy Birthday sweetheart!

Name That Bush...

2011-04-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

Because I'm to damn lazy to google it.

Wishing You A Happy Birthday Tina!

2011-04-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

Taking a minute to wish a very special someone a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! She's going to kill me for posting this but oh well. Hope your day is a GREAT ONE!

Splinters in her Crotch

2011-04-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

A woman from Los Angeles, CA who was a tree hugger, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care, they turned me down."

2011-04-12T15:06:00.000-07:00

Being that I don't like "The Donald", I'm beginning to warm to the idea of him running for president because he knows how to run a business. True he filed for bankruptcy at one time but he got his shit in one sock and has stayed out of trouble ever since. What do you guys think?

2011-04-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

This goes out to whoever! Better yet, the fools up in D.C.

2011-04-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

I have no use for people who steal from others. I hope they catch whoever is breaking into vehicles and houses around here. Daughter Dear's teacher who lives down the street had her truck broke into. We know the cops are doing their jobs because the search lights wake us up at night. One can hope this worthless pile of crap meets his maker sooner than later with a bullet between the eyes.

Five Surgeons

2011-04-05T04:10:00.000-07:00

While having lunch five surgeons from big cities are

discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see

accountants on my operating table because when you

open them up, everything inside is numbered.."

The second surgeon,from Chicago responds, "Yeah, but you

should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think librarians

are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like

construction workers... Those guys always understand

when you have a few parts left over."

The fifth surgeon, from Washington DC , shut them all up when he

observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine.

Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."

Flying

2011-04-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

Daughter Dear had the best time and a 100 watt smile when she landed. Have a great Monday folks!

Another Crying Mexican

2011-03-31T04:51:00.000-07:00

I laughed my ass off when I watched this video clip. What the Mexican girl needs to understand is there is a need for a lesson like this one and true the one question was a little rude but oh well... No different than your race expecting us to support you and all your tacos. Go back to Mexico if you can't handle the American people...

We Have A Winner

2011-03-30T05:20:00.000-07:00

Daughter Dear advanced to District with her Science Project last week and won 2nd place in Physical. She was also awarded a special award from a rather large chemical company in the next town.

2011-03-29T06:54:00.001-07:00

'Late again,' the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.

'It ain't my fault this time, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this'un on
my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!'

Now, Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd
years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Sammy what he
meant by that.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little
Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.

'You see, Miss Crabtree, out at the ranch we got this here low down
coyote. The last few nights, he done ate six hens and killed Ma's best
milk goat.

Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken
pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back
again, I'm a gonna git him!''

'Stay back, he whispered to all us kids!'

'He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen
house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop.
Then, he stuck that double barreled 12 gauge shot gun through the window of the coop.'

'As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound
dog, Zeke, had done woke up and comes sneaking' up behind Daddy.

Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Zeke stuck his cold
nose in Daddy's crack!'

'Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock
this mornin'...

2011-03-23T18:33:00.001-07:00

I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership...damn guy had no sense of humor.

2011-03-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.

Little Mary was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events. " "Very good, Mary" said the teacher

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ... Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!" Then I would say,"It is dog crap. Wanna' buy a toothbrush?" "I used the Obama approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth."

2011-03-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

Reading this article makes me ILL!

2011-03-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

First day of my diet. This should be interesting....

Sunset over the bay

2011-03-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

2011-03-07T04:00:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about you a lot since we buried you on Saturday. All of our long talks keep rolling around in my head. Seeing Megan with your blue eyes and how sad she looked will be something I'll never forget....

Wet Backs

2011-02-21T14:56:00.000-08:00

I FUCKING HATE THEM! I just came in from the Speedy Stop in the front of the neighborhood because I ran out of milk and needed some to finish up with dinner. I drive up as a truck load of the worthless bastards pile out so they can get their cases of beer. One turns and looked at me and started talking his crap and the next one turned back and looked. I asked them what the fuck they were looking at and one grinned. I called him a fucking skank and to my surprise he understood me. I walk up to pay for my milk and the girl behind the counter said, and all this for a gallon of milk. I smiled and said, yep... and turned and looked at Paco and Taco and said I hate fucking wet backs!

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!

2011-02-17T05:07:00.000-08:00

My sister sent this to me in a email stating that this reminded her of us later on down the road. All I can say is lord I hope not....

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door

Me and my sisters!

2011-02-16T18:45:00.000-08:00

I think I caught another round of thr crud from school. ARGH!

2011-02-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

He looks like my Salem.

Ear Worm....

2011-02-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

2011-02-10T03:38:00.000-08:00

Al Gore says it's a warm 24 degrees outside. Fucking asshole....

2011-02-09T03:59:00.000-08:00

Early morning bus duty. I'm thanking the good man above for slowing down the artic blast that was expected last night. I won't have freeze my butt off this morning. Yay me!!!

2011-02-06T18:59:00.001-08:00

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head and said, “No, they’re all at the funeral”.

2011-02-06T18:50:00.000-08:00

Halftime sucked way more than Christina the cow....

She SUCKED! End of Story!

2011-02-06T15:47:00.000-08:00

It's Science Project Time Again!

2011-02-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

And daughter dear is done. This will be the last time she has to do a project. Yay!!!

2011-02-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

Just ate 5 lemon Girl Scout cookies. I plan on having a fat ass this summer. Just thought you might want to know.

2011-02-03T04:00:00.000-08:00

Another day at the factory. I'm hoping the school board will release us at noon. I'll be there until four but that doesn't bother me much. It's the parents that can't drive in ice or snow.
Yesterday we had rolling black outs, we lost power here at the house a couple of times during the day. Mexico is saying they will bail us out if we need the power. They need to provide for all the wetbacks that are here illegally. Just saying....

Freezing Weather

2011-02-02T03:39:00.000-08:00

Yeah I'm going to bitch again and all I can say is I hope like hell that Al Gore's nut sack falls off. I was informed last night by Kerrcarto that his dick fell off some time ago and this is why his marriage ended.
Wind chill has it feeling like it's 13 outside, this is just wrong! I live in South Texas where it's suppose to be hot and smell like Pedro's has been ....well... you get the picture. I'm going to hate to see my heating bill next month. Stay warm folks and remember it's O-holes fault for the weather!

Ice Skating

2011-01-31T04:03:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Daughter Dear and I had a good one. I took her to see her first hockey game and we had a blast. They honored the GS across south Texas which was nice. After the game we stood in line forever so she could ice skate. She did really good up until the end. Then it was grabbing on to whoever was near by.

Prayers

2011-01-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

A dear friend of mine is losing her battle with Cancer. She has fought this long and hard for the past two and a half years and has done so with grace and dignity. I have been thinking back to how we use to run the streets together and talk each others ears off about boys, parents,and girl stuff as teenagers do. We had our babies a year apart from each other and daughter dear is lucky to be friends with her daughter and son. If I could have just one wish...it would be for A to see her children grow up and live their life but this is not Gods plan for her. Please keep her and her family in your prayers!

Where were you?

2011-01-28T07:04:00.000-08:00

Where were you 25 years ago? I was riding down Hwy 59 with my dad to schedule my first back surgery. I'll never forget hearing the news come across the radio.

Smug ASS PUNK!

2011-01-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

No I didn't watch. He makes me throw up and being sick and all... I decided it would be in my best interest not tooooo....I'm sure he's still putting the blame on Bush anyway.

2011-01-24T04:41:00.000-08:00

California:

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi"
and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged..

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.
The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

Texas :

The Governor of Texas is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

I was wondering...can we do this with the Mexicans we find on a trail? They're taking over down here.