1/22/09

Dear Diary:

Wow, this president thing is tough. Not at all like community activism. Yesterday, I got a call from that Abba guy. I thought he was the one who wrote Mamma Mia (LOVED IT) but instead it was somebody talking about his people in Gaza. Had to look on the map to see where that was (Israel). Ask him if he knew ABBA cause the daughters want to see them live. He told me to call the Jews and tell them to stop blowing up Gaza.

Called the Jewish guy and told him that blowing up Gaza is part of that whole Bush, "Blow up the bad guys era," that is sooooo last administration and not part of my hope and change administration. He hung up on me. I tried calling him back but his secretary said he was on the golf course and couldn't be reached. Made a note to try the golf course in Tel Aviv.

Then I closed that prison in Cuba where Bush was holding all the "terrorists." Gizmo. No wait, that's the furry little thing in Gremlins...oh, yeah, GITMO. No idea where I'm going to put these guys. Murtha offered to house them in his backyard. He must have a really big backyard. Scored really big points in the polls in Europe and the Middle East.

Then I banned interrogation stuff that the CIA used against these alleged terrorists because it's so not cool. Told them that to get information just be nice to them and promise them free government money and stuff. I found this worked really well in Chicago.

Hilary got confirmed. I can call her Shrilary all I want now and SHE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT 'CAUSE I'M HER BOSS. Hahahaha. Shrilary. I told her we were going to, "forge a new era of American leadership in the world." I have no idea what that means. My speech guy wrote it but it sounds nice.

Well that's all today. I was very busy leading. Maybe I'll have more time to write tomorrow.