Dear
Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a
good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2
weeks have been hell.
Your boss
called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week,
you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your
favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2
minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't
tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as
husband & wife.
Either
you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
your
EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away
to West
Virginia together!
Have a great
life!

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Dear
Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you
& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from
what you've been.
I watch my
soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too
bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You
look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you
can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

When you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating
pork 7 years ago.
About those
new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still
on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed
$50 from me that morning.
After all of
this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.

So when I hit
the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to
Jamaica, but when I got home you were
gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you
have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer
said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take
care.

Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell & Free!

P. S. I don't know if
I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a
problem.