" Twuz Da Night Befo' Crizzmuss "
Wus da night befo' Crizzmuss, and all thru da hood,
everybody be sleepin,' and da sleepin' wuz good.
We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck,
dat Obama be branging us,
our Crizzmuss welfair checks...
All of da family, was lay'in on da flo',
my sister wif her gurlfriend,
my brother wif some ho...
Ashtrays was full, empty beer cans and all,
when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...?
"Sh'eet, must be da law!"
I pulled the sheet off da window,
and what I'ze could see,
I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me!
But what did I see, made me say, "Lawd look 'a dat!"
Dare was a huge watermelon,
pulled by eight big-ass rats...
Now ovah da years, Santy Claws he be white,
but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight...
Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came,
and whupped up on dem rats,
as he called dem by name...
On Biden, On Jessie, On Pelosi and Hillary,
On Fannie, On Freddie, On Ayers & Slick Willy...
Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street,
I knowed it fo' sho', can you believe that Sheet?
Dat Santy didn't need no chimley,
he picked da lock on my doh!'
And I sez to myself, "Son -o'-bitch...
He don did dis befo!"
He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck?
Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold,
to wear roun' my neck...
But he left me no presents,
he just started stealin my sh*t...
He got my guns and my crack,
and my new burglers kit...
Den wiff my sh*t in his bag, out da windo' he flew,
I sho' woulda shanked him,
butt he snagged my blade too!!!
He jumped back on dat melon, wiff out even a hitch,
and waz gone in two seconds,
So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git,
'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a sh*t!